Resolve Hurt Before Resentment Grows

“‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”

EPHESIANS 4:26

 

PONDER THIS

Years ago, many people collected trading stamps in a little book with the hope that the stamps would gain value over time. That’s the way a lot of marriages falter. Your spouse hurts you, put it in the book. Late for dinner, put it in the book. Forgot your anniversary, put it in the book. After a while, you don’t deal with things as they come up. And one day, there’s an explosion. A husband or wife comes to cash in all the stamps, and both spouses wonder, how did all of this happen? But they have failed to do what the Bible says—to deal with things as they come up when they’re small and can be addressed. One trading stamp is not so big. It can be dealt with. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath! And when you do address these things as they come up, stick to the subject. Don’t attack one another; attack the problem.

Have you experienced times when you “cashed in” your collection of hurts with another person? What was the result?

What difference has it made for you when you have addressed individual problems as they arose instead of saving them up over time?

PRACTICE THIS

Have a conversation with someone who you have saved up hurts from. By God’s grace, clear the air in that relationship as much as it depends on you.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Preserving Peace Through Being Slow to Anger

“A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention.”

PROVERBS 15:18

 

PONDER THIS

All anger is not bad. Jesus was angry, but He was angry at the right things. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry, and do not sin.” The Bible warns us to be slow to anger because we do often sin in our anger. (See James 1:19.) Proverbs 14:17 says, “A quick-tempered man acts foolishly.” Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” Proverbs 29:20 says, “Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Be slow to anger. The way to control your anger is to control your words. Consider Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Controlling our anger begins with controlling our speech. One angry word builds the next word and that builds the next word, until it gets worse and worse. We must learn to be slow to speak and slow to anger.

What might be an example of righteous anger?

How can even righteous anger turn to sin if we are not careful?

PRACTICE THIS

Make a list of things that you have anger or passion about today. Consider what is of God and what is not. Ask Him to help you let go of any anger that is not honoring to Him.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Are You Holding on to Anger?

PRAY OVER THIS

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:29-32

 

PONDER THIS

If you have anger in your heart, if love is not there, that doesn't mean the Holy Spirit of God forsakes you. If you are in Christ, He cannot and He will not leave you. You are sealed by the Holy Spirit unto the day of redemption. What grieves the Holy Spirit? These things: bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil. Bitterness is an unresolved hurt. Somebody's hurt you and done you wrong. It may be real, it may be imaginary, but you perceive that somebody has done you wrong. Bitterness turns to wrath. The word wrath has the idea of heat, something burning, sort of a slow burn. The best illustration I can give is to think of some oily rags in an attic or a closet, smoldering with the heat building up.

What's the difference between wrath and anger? Wrath is that slow burn, but anger is when somebody opens the door, and the oxygen hits those rags and they burst into flame. You say, “Well, I lost my temper.” You probably found it. You know when a person says, “I lost my temper,” what they're saying is, “It's not really my fault, it's not really me, I lost it.” No, what is happening, is that you're showing what's in your heart. In those moments, the Holy Spirit has not forsaken you, you have Him in you to equip you and help in those moments you feel prone to bitterness, wrath, and anger.

When was the last time you lost your temper?

What would it look like to seek God when you feel prone to bitterness, wrath, and anger?

PRACTICE THIS

Write out a verse to memorize and reflect on the next time you feel prone to sinful anger.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Do You React in Anger Often?

PRAY OVER THIS

“‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” Ephesians 4:26

 

PONDER THIS

James 1:19 says we are to be “slow to wrath.” That means don’t get upset so easily, don’t get disturbed so quickly. The Amplified Bible Classic Edition says it this way, “Be slow to take offense and to get angry.”

The Bible describes those with uncontrolled tempers in several ways. Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, “Anger rests in the bosom of fools.” Don’t go explaining it away with excuses. You are a very foolish person if you’re angry.

Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” If you don’t learn to control your anger, it will bring you into all other kinds of sins. And Proverbs 29:22 says, “An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression.” That’s the reason the Bible says, “…be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19). When you get angry, it’s like throwing a rock into a wasp nest. You’re going to stir up things that you wish you never had.

When are you most prone to anger? How do you act in those times?

How have you learned about the danger of reacting in anger?

PRACTICE THIS

Write down the moments you are most prone to react in anger. Repent and ask God to equip you to live as a person of peace.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Do You Bottle Up Hurt?

PRAY OVER THIS

“‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”

Ephesians 4:26

 

PONDER THIS

Years ago, many people collected trading stamps in a little book with the hope that the stamps would gain value over time. That’s the way a lot of marriages falter. Your spouse hurts you, put it in the book. Late for dinner, put it in the book. Forgot your anniversary, put it in the book. After a while, you don’t deal with things as they come up. And one day, there’s an explosion. A husband or wife comes to cash in all the stamps, and both spouses wonder, how did all of this happen? But they have failed to do what the Bible says—to deal with things as they come up when they’re small and can be addressed. One trading stamp is not so big. It can be dealt with. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath! And when you do address these things as they come up, stick to the subject. Don’t attack one another; attack the problem.

Have you experienced times when you “cashed in” your collection of hurts with another person? What was the result?

What difference has it made for you when you have addressed individual problems as they arose instead of saving them up over time?

PRACTICE THIS

Have a conversation with someone who you have saved up hurts from. By God’s grace, clear the air in that relationship as much as it depends on you.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Is It Always Wrong to Be Angry?

PRAY OVER THIS

“A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention.”

Proverbs 15:18

 

PONDER THIS

All anger is not bad. Jesus was angry, but He was angry at the right things. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry, and do not sin.” The Bible warns us to be slow to anger because we do often sin in our anger. (See James 1:19.) Proverbs 14:17 says, “A quick-tempered man acts foolishly.” Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” Proverbs 29:20 says, “Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Be slow to anger. The way to control your anger is to control your words. Consider Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Controlling our anger begins with controlling our speech. One angry word builds the next word and that builds the next word, until it gets worse and worse. We must learn to be slow to speak and slow to anger.

What might be an example of righteous anger?

How can even righteous anger turn to sin if we are not careful?

PRACTICE THIS

Make a list of things that you have anger or passion about today. Consider what is of God and what is not. Ask Him to help you let go of any anger that is not honoring to Him.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Why Was Jonah Angry with God?

PRAY OVER THIS

“But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he became angry.” Jonah 4:1

 

PONDER THIS

Why was Jonah angry? He was angry because God sent revival. Why didn’t he want God to send revival? To start, he’d prophesied judgment and revival came. Now his reputation as an evangelist was ruined. I’m being a little facetious. But Jonah was a super patriot. He loved Israel, and he had ill will toward the people of Nineveh. He desired for God to display His wrath toward them. Look what they had done to God's people. They were a bandit race, murderous, wicked, vile, and they were always a threat to Israel. He wanted God to wipe them out. He essentially said, “God, I know the way You work. If I go down and preach judgment, You'll send revival. That’s the reason I didn’t want to go to begin with.” It was for this reason Jonah was angry with God.

When was a time you felt anger toward God?

How does it make you feel if God blesses people who have done harm toward you?

PRACTICE THIS

Be honest with God and express any ways you are angry with Him. Ask Him to give you a pure heart that honors Him instead of one that is focused on your own desires or hurts.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Is It Ever Okay to Be Angry?

PRAY OVER THIS

“And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.”

(Mark 3:5)

 

PONDER THIS

Jesus was moved with anger that was righteous. You can be angry without sin, for Jesus Christ was without sin. It is possible to be good…and mad. As a matter of fact, if some things don’t move you to anger, there’s something wrong. Do you know what moved Jesus to anger? It was the attitude of the Pharisees toward the poor, paralyzed man. The man had a deep need, but the Pharisees were filled with selfishness, pride, and arrogance. What did they have against Jesus? Their problem was not theological; it was personal. Prior to the coming of Jesus, all the people were bragging on the Pharisees and following them. They occupied the chief places previously, but now the crowds were going after Jesus. The Pharisees were filled with rotten envy, selfishness, and pride, and they didn’t care for people that were hurting. The Pharisees' hearts had grown cold.

What are some things we might have righteous anger over in the world today?

How can this type of anger motivate us to respond in a godly way as it did Jesus?

PRACTICE THIS

Name some situations in which the appropriate response might be righteous anger. Describe how you can have righteous anger that leads to God-honoring action in those situations.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Following Your Anger to the Root

PRAY OVER THIS:

 

“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.” (Hebrews 12:14-15)

PONDER THIS:

 

Sudden anger is to be controlled until you have a chance to think it through. Sinful anger is to be condemned immediately. Stubborn anger is to be conquered. How are you going to conquer it? You’ve got to trace it back and say, “Why am I such an angry person?” You’ve got to go back to find out where that root of bitterness is because, no matter how much you pick the tops off those dandelions, the roots are there; you need to get to the root of the matter and analyze it.

Ephesians 4:31 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger … and evil speaking be put away from you.” If you’re not willing to put it away, God’s not going to do it for you. The Greek word for repentance, metanoia, means “a change of mind.” Until you choose against bitterness, wrath, anger, and evil, nobody is going to choose against it for you.

What are some questions you might ask to help you trace the roots of bitterness in your life?

Why is repentance necessary in the process of uprooting stubborn anger?

PRACTICE THIS:

 

Make a list of areas in your life where you’re particularly prone to anger. Ask God to help you trace the roots of this anger and repent as needed.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

What Do You Do When You’re Angry?

PRAY OVER THIS

“The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.” Proverbs 19:11

 

PONDER THIS

Sudden anger is to be controlled. How do we control it? As a starting place, we have to confess it. There are a lot of us who don’t like to admit we get angry. You may say that you're not angry, but your stomach keeps the score. You’d be surprised what kinds of physiological, psychological, and spiritual problems occur when you have repressed anger or even expressed anger that is not handled properly.

When you find these feelings coming, confess them instead of repressing them. Bring it to the Lord and say, “There’s something moving in me that I don’t like.” Someone has said repressing anger is like lighting a wastebasket, putting it in a closet, and closing the door. It may burn itself out or it may burn the house down. The very first thing you need to do is open the closet door and say, “There it is Lord. That’s my wastebasket, and I set it on fire.”

What things cause you to burn with sudden anger?

How likely are you to turn to the Lord in these moments? How might you begin to do this if you don’t already?

PRACTICE THIS

Make a list of ways you’ve been sinfully angered in recent days. Confess these things before the Lord and ask Him to help you turn to Him in these moments of burning anger.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Be Angry and Sin Not

BIBLE MEDITATION

“Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” Ephesians 4:26

 

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT

God’s Word tells us to be “slow to wrath” (Proverbs 14:29, James 1:19). There’s nothing that will do more damage to your relationships than unwanted, unwarranted anger. If you are given to anger, let me tell you a couple of things the Bible says, and it won’t be flattering.

First, the Bible says you are foolish. Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, “anger rests in the bosom of fools.”

Second, you have a weak character. Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Uncontrolled anger is like throwing a rock into a wasp nest.

ACTION POINT

Do you have a short fuse? If so, confess it to the Lord. Don’t let Satan get a stronghold in your life. If you get angry today, ask yourself, “What need is not being met?” Give that need to the Lord.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

Do Not Hold Onto Anger

BIBLE MEDITATION

“Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” Ephesians 4:26

 

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT

Not all anger is bad or sinful. Many things in our world should move you to anger. The Lord Jesus Himself was moved with righteous anger when it was called for. But only when He saw others being misused and abused, never when someone harmed Him. Jesus never retaliated. Righteous anger is aimed not at the person, but at the injustice, not at the sinner but at the sin.

If you’re angry, God warns people to stay away from you! “Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul” (Proverbs 22:24-25).

You may think you can't be angry at the sin without being angry at the sinner. Sure you can. We get angry with ourselves over something we’ve done, yet we still love ourselves.

God has much to say about anger and how we must govern it. Ephesians 4:30 continues, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” The Holy Spirit is present in your situation, and He will give you the power you need.

Some of you have been angry for a long time. Your spouse hurt you and you've been nursing a grudge. Quit it. It's not worth it. Ungodly anger is an acid that destroys its own container. It harms anything it’s poured on.

ACTION POINT

What can we do? Verse 32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Dear friend, you must get into Ephesians chapter four and the book of Proverbs and learn how to deal with this thing of stubborn anger.

LWF Dr. Adrian Rogers 

When Anger Fills Your Heart

19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. - James 1:19-20

5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 

6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.

7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind,

8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.

10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. - James 3:5-10

What is anger?

It's a feeling of hostility, annoyance and displeasure.

It's one of man's most evil temptations.

Many of us struggle with anger.

That is not what God wants from His people.

What then is the answer?

Prayer.

Be humble.

Repentance.

You can't change alone but God can change you.

I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; - 1 Timothy 2:8

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  - Proverbs 15:1

5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming.

7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them.

8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices

10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. - Colossians 3:5-10